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HERPES
VIOLET stares in shock at the new
scenes added to the script. VIOLET (reading
from script) “Karen then meets a
lonely detective in a coffee shop and makes out with him.”? REGINALD ENTERS. REGINALD There you are my little starlet. VIOLET Reginald, I’ve noticed
some new “changes” to the script. REGINALD Trust me, you won’t
be complaining when I tell who you’ll be making-out with? VIOLET BECOMES PHYSICALLY EXCITED. VIOLET Tom Cruise? Brad Pitt? Viggo Mortensen? REGINALD Even better: Richard Striker! VIOLET’S ENTHUSIASM TURNS
INTO DOWNRIGHT, DISGUST. VIOLET Richard Striker! Hollywood Herpes Richard Striker? REGINALD The one and only. VIOLET Reginald, did you not hear
what I just said? Herpes! The man
has herpes. REGINALD The producers would not hire
a romantic lead with herpes. KATE, THE SCRIPT SUPERVISOR, RUNS
IN CLINGING A CLIPBOARD TO HER CHEST. KATE Oh my god, Richard Striker
has just arrived on set and let me tell you, he is soooooo handsome. VIOLET Did you happen to notice
any… kinda… (twirls fingers around her mouth) KATE Come again. REGINALD I think you already
have, Kate. RICHARD STRIKER ENTERS WITH A MASSIVE
SORE ON HIS UPPER LIP. REGINALD Good to see you Richard. This is Violet, the lady whom you’ll be sharing an intimate scene with. RICHARD APPROACHES VIOLET AND TAKES
HER HAND, VIOLET JUST APPEARS DISGUSTED. RICHARD Hello Violet, it looks like
we’ll be getting to know one another rather well. VIOLET TRIES TO MAKE HER OWN ASSESSMETN
ABOUT WHAT’S ON HIS LIP. VIOLET Is that dried chili on your…
(points to sore) RICHARD Yeah… it’s…
chilli! RICHARD GOES TO KISS VIOLET’S
HAND, BUT SHE PULLS IT AWAY IN DISGUST. RICHARD
(CONT’D) I hope you’re not
this shy when we start rolling the cameras, doll-face. VIOLET RUNS OVER TO REGINALD AND
PULLS HIM ASIDE. VIOLET Doesn’t have herpes,
eh Reginald? REGINALD AND VIOLET LOOK OVER
AND SEE RICHARD PICKING AT HIS SORE WITH A SOUR LOOK ON HIS FACE. REGINALD That’s just a cold sore. VIOLET That’s what herpes is
Reginald – a disgusting, crusty cold sore. REGINALD AND VIOLET LOOK OVER AGAIN
AND THIS TIME RICHARD IS APPLYING AN UNNESSECARILY LARGE AMOUNT OF VASELINE TO THE SORE. KATE APPROACHES RICHARD AND THE
TWO BEGIN CHATTING. KATE GETS A LITTLE TOO EXCITED AND
GETS A PAPER CUT. KATE Ouch, I just gave myself a
paper cut – I hope it doesn’t get infected. RICHARD Here, let me kiss it better. RICHARD STARTS MAKING OUT WITH KATE’S
HAND. VIOLET NO! VIOLET RUNS OVER AND PULLS RICHARD
OFF OF KATE AND THEN REGINALD PULLS VIOLET OFF OF RICHARD. REGINALD What has gotten into you? BERNIDICE ENTERS CARRYING HER NEWBORN
BABY. REGINALD Bernidice! How are you? We haven’t seen you since you had your
baby. BERNIDICE That’s why I stopped
by Reginald – to introduce you all to Tommy. REGINALD He’s adorable. Richard have you met Bernidice before? She
was our make-up artist extraordinaire. RICHARD You know, I don’t think
we have met. RICHARD WALKS OVER AND KISSES HER
ON THE MOUTH, BERNIDICE MELTS AND VIOLET IS HORRIFIED. RICHARD
(CONT’D) I don’t believe I’ve
met little Tommy either. VIOLET RUNS OVER AND GRABS THE BABY
OUT OF RICHARD’S ARMS. VIOLET Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop kissing people. RICHARD Don’t worry baby, there’ll
be enough magic left for you. BERNIDICE GRABS HER BABY BACK. REGINALD What has gotten into you? Look, let’s just go… REGINALD PATS RICHARD ON THE BACK. EVERYONE IS NOW ACTING HOSTILE TOWARDS
VIOLET. VIOLET I’m sorry. I… just… REGINALD This is your big break Violet,
so don’t go screwing it up. REGINALD, KATE AND BERNIDICE ALL
EXIT. REGINALD (from
off-stage) Rolling sound. VIOLET I
don’t think I can Reginald. RICHARD is trying to SHAKE-OFF the
BAD ENERGY. REGINALD
(CONT’D) Violet, I’ve just gotten
a call, apparently Charlize Theron is going to infect herself with syphilis for her next role… and they are already
talking Oscar! VIOLET (yelling) Action! RICHARD Well Eliza, you were right,
that was good pie! VIOLET I know a good pie like I know
a good man - and that pie was excellent! VIOLET GRABS RICHARD AND LAYS A
HUGE KISS ON HIM. LIGHTS FADE ON KISS. |
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